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"i had a parrot once, and he could talk, but he couldn't say i'm hungry, so he died."
"every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"my fake plants died because i didn't pretend to water them."
"i have no problem not listening to the temptations which is weird."
"do you think when the guy came up with the idea to invent a bong, a blacklight popped up over his head?"
"i like the fed ex guy because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it."
"i went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. don't go see dr. acula"
"i got a ant farm, them fellas didn't grow shit."
"i was gonna have my teeth whitenned but then i said, 'fuck that i'll just get a tan instead.'"
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