1Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psychopath.
2Q. How do you get holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.
3Q. What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
4Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
5Q. What do you call Santa's helpers?
A. Subordinate Clauses.
6Q. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A. Quatro sinko.
7Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
8Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
9Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The location of the dirt bag.
10Q. What do you call skydiving lawyers?
11Q. How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
A. Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
12Q. What happened to the employee that fell into the vat of gum?
A. His boss chewed him out.
She threw the book at him.
14 Did you hear about the private golf club that stopped serving liquor?
They said they didn't want any more drunk drivers.
15 How is Al Gore like Moses?
He's looking for the burning Bush.
16 Did you hear about the guy that fell into the lens grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself!
17Q. What does a new York pizza say?
A. HEY! You wanna piece of me?
18Q: what do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: no idea
19Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still, no idear.
20Q: What do you call a Phillipino contortionist?
A: A manila folder.
And a joke for the day..
Duck walks into a 7-11, looks around a little, and then approaches the cashier and asks, "You, uh, got any grapes?"
The cashier impatiently replies, "Uh, no. We're 7-11. We don't sell fresh produce." Duck walks out.
The next day the Duck walks back into the same 7-11 with the same cashier behind the counter and says, "Got any grapes?"
The cashier, clearly irritated replies, "No, we don't have any grapes, nor will we ever have any grapes. This is a 7-11. We don't sell fresh produce." Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the third day in a row and walks up to the same cashier and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The cashier infuriated replies, "No, we do NOT have any grapes, nor will we ever have any grapes. Furthermore, if you ever come back in here again asking for grapes I'll nail your bill to the floor!" So, the Duck walks out.
Fourth day in a ROW, the Duck walks into the same 7-11 with the same cashier behind the counter and asks, "Got any nails?"
Duck, "Got any grapes?"
Have a nice one