cool one liners

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: A meaningful overnight relationship.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.