my cynical days- by a closet Gordon Ramsey

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just fuckin' leave me alone.

2. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of the fuckers!.

3. It's a small world. So go on...use your fuckin' elbows .

4. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run like mad to the end of his chain and gag himself. Serves the fuckin' barker right!

5. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it...you shit!

6. I live on a one-way dead-end street.

7. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to fuckin' blame.

8. Always take time to stop and smell the fuckin' roses... and sooner or later, you'll suck in a bee.

9. If a fuckin' prick of a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.


10. Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to fuckin' throw up...preferably over that bitch!


11. Happiness...what a fuckin' joke, is merely the remission of pain.