i found the fat controller

What he said...and I said

He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?


He said to me ... shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on
the sofa and do nothing but fart


He said to me. .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
I said to him . .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said to me. ... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... They don't have time.


He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.


He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
night?
I said. ... A widow.


He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and
go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

10 Quotes of noted authors

"Most of what matters in your life takes place in your absence"-Salman Rushdie

"Immature poets borrow. Mature poets steal." -T.S Elliott

"In certain times, trying times, desperate times, profanity offers a relief denied even to prayer."~Mark Twain

"One cannot love well, think well, sleep well if one has not dined well."- Virginia Woolf

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."- Douglas Adams

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. "-Ambrose Bierce

"For I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -The irony of Blanche Dubois' words ahhh.., Tennessee

"I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail.
He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice,
but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance."-William Faulkner

"To thine own self be true."- Shakespeare, HAMLET

"She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."-Jane Austin

British soldier shot in Afghanistan is saved by his ROSARY

clipped from www.dailymail.co.uk A soldier who stood on a landmine and was shot in the chest in Afghanistan is convinced a rosary saved his life in exactly the same way as his great-grandfather towards the end of the Second World War. Glenn Hockton, 19, who is now home from a seven-month tour of duty with the Coldstream Guards in Helmand Province, was on patrol when his rosary suddenly fell from his neck. His mother Sheri Jones said today: 'He felt like he had a slap on the back. He bent down to pick up his rosary to see if it was broken. As he bent down he realised he was on a landmine.' His great-grandfather Joseph 'Sunny' Truman also credited a rosary with saving his life in a World War II blast that killed six members of his platoon. Mrs Jones, 41,  recalled: 'He was walking across a field with half a dozen of his platoon. He bent down to pick something up and was the only one to survive a sudden bomb blast. He had picked up a rosary.'

Ghosts of World War II's Past

Taking old World War II photos, Russian photographer Sergey Larenkov carefully photoshops them over more recent shots to make the past come alive

clipped from www.mymodernmet.com

The Seven Kind of Sex

clipped from www.jumbojoke.com The Seven Kinds of Sex Sex researchers now report there are seven kinds of sex. Which describes your typical style? 1. Smurf Sex: This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. 2. Kitchen Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. 3. Bedroom Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. 4. Hallway Sex: This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." 5. Religious Sex: You get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. 6. Courtroom Sex: This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and her lawyer screws you in front of everyone. 7. Social Security Sex: You get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

Homer's Odyssey

a bit of silliness...a few Classics majors liberated a bust of Homer from his accustomed spot in the seminar room, and documented his travels as he explored the Oberlin Campus

clipped from new.oberlin.edu Homer began his day by visiting the Allen Art Museum.  Homer fulfills his natural science requirements. Time for a break!  Homer contemplates the wine-dark sea. Homer cares about your safety. Homer contemplates the stars.  The air here in Ohio is so clear -- no clouds to obscure one's view. Finished with the telescope, Homer surveys his domain. Homer meant to work on his thesis, but fell asleep instead. Homer is studying for his honors exam. Homer begins to question the study habits of Oberlin students. Homer needs a push. After a long day, Homer updates his Facebook©® status.

White Women's Workout

. Combining racial stereotypes with exercise techniques, Comedian, Godfrey, plays Fitness Guru, Ty Bowman who has created Southern Cali's latest workout craze...The White Women's Workout.

clipped from www.funnyordie.com

Joke

School Jokes

clipped from www.educationdx.com "I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends. "I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

How beaches looked 100 years ago [PICS]

clipped from evilclownvalley.com Some of these photos are over a hundred years old. No bikinis , scooters , etc. But it seems that people had quite a lot of different entertainment and without it. :bath, beach, ocean, sea, tub, water