TV guide in Australia

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how to get to/from the airport in SYdney

The real reason why Jesus isn't around

nobody has the right key!

Van Gogh family tree

His brother who ate prunes : Gotta Gogh
His constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
Vincent's dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
His magician uncle: Where-Diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Ah Mee Gogh
His Mexican cousin's American brother: Grin Gogh
His dancing cousin: Tang Gogh
His fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
His bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
His disco loving neice: Go Gogh

i found the fat controller

What he said...and I said

He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?


He said to me ... shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on
the sofa and do nothing but fart


He said to me. .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
I said to him . .. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


He said to me. ... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... They don't have time.


He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.


He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every
night?
I said. ... A widow.


He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and
go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

10 Quotes of noted authors

"Most of what matters in your life takes place in your absence"-Salman Rushdie

"Immature poets borrow. Mature poets steal." -T.S Elliott

"In certain times, trying times, desperate times, profanity offers a relief denied even to prayer."~Mark Twain

"One cannot love well, think well, sleep well if one has not dined well."- Virginia Woolf

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."- Douglas Adams

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. "-Ambrose Bierce

"For I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -The irony of Blanche Dubois' words ahhh.., Tennessee

"I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail.
He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice,
but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance."-William Faulkner

"To thine own self be true."- Shakespeare, HAMLET

"She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."-Jane Austin